I slowly backed up and sat in the
nearest chair. It’s moving towards me from all slides. The black tar-looking
substance seeps in through the bottom of the walls as I stand up on the chair
to gain a higher position. I take a moment to breathe. I’m in my bedroom but
something seems different. The window that is usually to the right of my bed
has vanished as well as my door. I realize that there is no way in and no way
out. Even if I were to attempt to escape the black goo would surely suck me in.
I begin to panic as it becomes deeper. I cling to the chair as it is slowly
lifted off of the ground by the strange substance. As it gets higher and
higher, I take what I would think to be my last breath and mentally thank my
family for everything they have done for me. A single tear falls from my eye
and is instantly absorbed by the murky solution. I close my eyes and hold my
breath. I wake up sweating. Thank god it was only a dream, I sighed in relief. I
get out of bed and walk across the room to check my phone. My foot touches something
black and sticky.
You did a very good job of captivating the audience with you writing! I love how you ended the short story with everything being a dream, but the narrator touching something sticky as she wakes up. I thought that that was a very good technique to show a "twist ending". Good job!!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, this is really great writing! It pulled me in and made me want more than just a paragraph. Secondly, I think your ending was the perfect touch to leave the reader wanting more. And lastly, I don't know if this was intentional, but the black goo and the room can be seen as so much more as their material objects. You set yourself up for a great metaphor.
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